After a long night of trading between sleep and staring at the ceiling, morning light tickled my eyelids. The husky was still sleeping on the cold bathroom tile and the aussie was dead to the world at the foot of the mattress. I caught a glance of Sam’s forehead peeking out from the quilt pulled over his face, the quilt I made for him when he was deployed a few years ago.
slid shifted scuttled fell out of bed.
Daphne was still sleeping. The house was quiet except the hum of the computer and the buzz of the fish tank bubble maker. I cozied myself on our brown couch, you know—the one that has mysteriously gained liquid stains from my daughter’s bottles and sippy cups. I look around the house and see a clock that has stopped working at 5:07, toys and books piled high and shoved to the corner of the living room, and tufts of dog hair clinging desperately to the rugs. I sip on my water and smile. Oh the divine silence.
Today is the last day I am a mother of one.
Tomorrow morning, my husband and I will walk into the hospital for a repeat c-section. Baby number 2. Another little girl.
Between repetitive requests for cheese and choo-choo trains, I savored my two year old daughter’s last moments as an only child. She is unique. She is beautiful. She is a goober. In fact, while I type this, she is licking the glass on the front door. Oh Daphne.
My response when asked if I am ready for the new baby is my go-to “Yes! We are so excited!” And that is true. We are excited. So many other responses swirl through me.
“Yes, we have everything we need, but I’m not certain we are prepared for the lack of sleep—again.”
“Yes, we are ready, but I am beginning to doubt whether this was a good idea.”
“Yep, but I wonder how I’ll keep my first child, two dogs, husband, and dust bunnies alive while taking care of a newborn.”
“Yeah, I’m ready for baby, but I’m a little anxious about the major abdominal surgery I’ll endure and the weeks of recovery after.”
Nerves and excitement surge through me today, the day before surgery.
I remember the healing process. The gas in my shoulders (Yes. Gas pain in your shoulder), the pinching pain on my right side where my doctor made the final closure on my incisions from the surgery, the immense pain that followed laughter/sneezing/coughing/breathing, the first time I got out of the bed after my legs regained feeling, and the utter joy of being able to fart and poop after surgery.
I feel an odd tension between excitement and nervousness now that I know what to expect from the operating table and the recovery room.
I hope the surgery goes well. I hope my recovery is swift. I hope I’m ready to face this new challenge in my life!
I’m 39 weeks today.
How Far Along: 39 weeks.
First pregnancy’s post from within this week!
Baby size and random info: (thanks to Alpha Mom)
- Is full-term, almost done, probably about a medium-well on the Burger Scale.
- Is about 20 inches long and over seven pounds, maybe, depends, who knows.
- (Seriously. No one knows. If you have an ultrasound this week or next, take the measurements and weight guesses with enough grains of salt to season a fresh batch of fries. Late-term ultrasounds are ridiculously imprecise, with a margin of error of up to TWO POUNDS in either direction.)
Symptoms: Hip pain. Trouble sleeping. Trouble getting up out of chairs. Shortness of breath/dizziness. Very little swelling!!
How I’m feeling: Feeling excited about baby! Also feeling nervous about surgery and recovery.
Week’s highlights: Sam coming home early Friday from work. Having the house prepped for baby!
Boy or Girl? Girl
Cravings: Banana PB smoothies, sandwiches, tacos, rice.
Worries/Concerns: Staying hydrated. Surgery. “Will I struggle with nursing this one?” Being able to juggle Daphne and baby.
Goals and to what I look forward: Tomorrow is the big day! I look forward to bringing home baby and getting into a new routine!