I’m an ugly cryer. I fully admit it. My eyes swell shut and my face naturally cringes up. I appear to be smiling when really I’m just mid-sniff and breathing through my mouth. Not attractive. My darling daughter is most likely destined to be an ugly cryer. She has been feeling icky the past week due to an ear infection, as you can see in the pictures. She’s not quite her smiley and giggly self.
0 years 10 months 5 days
or 10 months 5 days
or 44 weeks 0 days
or 308 days
or 7392 hours
or 443520 minutes
or 26611200 seconds
Changes in appearance:
Daphs looks more and more like her daddy. She has a long face and a high hairline near her temples. She’s got Sam’s brows. Anytime she stares at something intently or watches us, her brows furrow automatically. We usually follow up with “Dem Brows.” She’s gaining weight and slowly is becoming a toddler.
We have inherited some new-to-us toys. She likes her wheeled walker and has proven that she can walk assisted with it. Such a smarty. She also has enjoyed her books and her ball this week. She REALLY enjoys bath time and she likes to go outside to watch the chickens/play in the grass/watch cars drive by.
Poor thing is going through her first ear infection. She had a high temperature (102) and Sam felt uncomfortable with it, so we went to the ER. Sure enough, ear infection. She’s been extra cuddly and will often crawl up into my lap just to lay her head on my chest. My heart melts and I stop everything to invest my time and love in those moments.
She continues to babble. “Dada” is her most used phrase, although “ba ba” comes in close second. She refers to the dogs (puppy), the chickens(Bok Bok), and books as ba ba.
What we’re currently “working on:”
I have begun identifying letters of the alphabet. She stares intently and has yet to repeat any of the letters back, but I’m just letting it sink in for now. We read. Working on playing independently in addition to exploring the house safely.
Books! Ducky! Puppies! Fish! Ball. Her new walker.
Peas/Rice, squash, sweet tater, bananas, ravioli, and puffs are her favorites. She does alright with carrots but the day has to be right for her to really enjoy them.
Thoughts about the past week:
The ear infection thing has taken a lot out of both Daphne and I emotionally. She’s cranky. I’m fighting the urge to let her play alone instead of cuddling her close. There’s always time for her to play alone. I prioritize my time in cuddles and letting her crawl all over me.
Sam and I feel so blessed with Daphne. We tell each other at least once a day how lucky we feel and how awesome it is to be a parent.
Sam commented to me how Daphne has great fine motor control. She gingerly picks up toys and gingerly places them on the ground. She grasps items with her forefinger and thumb and is not a clumsy baby. She is meticulous. She amazes me with how smart she is. I can just tell it. We play the piano and she knows to hit the keys when we sit down. I show her to spread her fingers across the keys (though her whole spread hand only spans 3 keys as opposed to my 9). She is a sponge. A smart sponge.
My sister in law had her third baby, a girl. Times like these make me wish we lived closer to Kansas.
Emotionally, I’ve been a wreck this week. I can’t attribute it to hormones or to a full schedule. I attribute my emotional train wreck to assessing myself honestly and finding myself wanting. I’ve been humbled. I realize that I behave differently based on the company I keep. There are times and places to behave with decorum and tact. I am referring more to my personality and how I express who I am.
I remember when I was younger begging to know the answer to the question “Who Am I?” I thought I knew. As I’ve sifted through old pictures and memories, I have realized that I am still searching for that answer. There are attributes that define me but I still feel as if I am a divided person–a half finished project.
Life is all about experiencing circumstances that must change me. If those circumstances do not change me, what does that say about my character?
I hope to be an inspiration to my daughter. I must be true to myself no matter the company I keep.
What does that mean? For me, that means not lashing out towards someone if she first lashes out at me.
I have full control over my own reactions and thoughts. I cannot control other people and cannot control their actions. I can, however, choose how to respond.
Years of my life have been wasted in worry over habits and things I was in control of the entire time. Rather than lamenting over why I am not a better musician, athlete, or cook, I should be proactively changing my habits to accommodate success in my goals and dreams.
I am searching for my definition of beauty, success, truth, and joy.
I hope that I can be an encouraging inspiration to my daughter as she grows up. I hope to be someone she can look up to and reach. I want to be someone she can relate to. I will make mistakes and fall short of expectations, but I want her to see that my reaction is of the highest caliber.
I want to be whole.
Perhaps this is the baby blues or postpartum depression. Maybe. Maybe this period in my life is just another reason to change my habits and outlook for the better.
After having Daphne ten months ago, I lost all the baby weight. My face was glowing. I was breastfeeding successfully and was adjusting well to being a mom. Now, basking in the glow of the computer screen, I’ve gained the weight back with my face as broken out as my teenage self. Time changes many things. I could never go back to my life before Daphne. She makes me so very happy.
While at the grocery, Sam was holding Daphne and describing the balloons and candy in the waiting lane. A bagger commented to me about how attentive she is and that “she’s really listening to what he’s saying.” I smiled. We work hard to include Daphne in our everyday life. I describe the different types of rice I choose between. I tell her why I like the soap I do. I ask her opinion on the banana bunch I am choosing. When she is old enough, she can help me determine the best bunch. I am not a baby sitter. I am a teacher. My noble task is to raise up my child to be fully prepared to scale any mountain she finds, as big as Pikes Peak or as small as a banana bunch in the grocery store.