Today started early. We woke after only a few hours of sleep and got our gear together to head into town for Daphne’s 2 month appointment.
Daphne was called back in the clinic and we were taken to a room with an elephant for an exam table. I was fooled. It took me a second to realize that I wasn’t setting Daphne on a real elephant.
The nurse took Daphne’s heart rate, length, and head circumference. She then had us strip her down to bare booty so she could be weighed.
15.5in head circumference
Here are the percentiles:
Length vs Age
4 weeks: 62%
2 months: 66%
Head Circumference vs Age
4 weeks: 80%
2 months: 67%
Weight vs Age
4 weeks: 61%
2 months: 24%
Weight vs Length
4 weeks: 49%
2 months: 0%
So basically, Daphne is a string bean. She’s uber long and a skinny minny.
The doctor at the clinic is the type of person who is doom and gloom, projecting a nervous anxiety about details onto whoever she is around. When she talked to us about the numbers, she wasn’t happy with Daphne’s weight gain and thinks she should weigh more. She prodded me with questions of how often I feed her and how much I feed her. She suggested that I pump and talk to a lactation consultant. The doctor also prescribed some infant Tylenol and infant multivitamin drops. I was shaken up. As the doctor explained all the percentiles to me and what they meant, I got very emotional. Daphne was screaming bloody murder in the background.
I tried to feed Daphs but she didn’t calm down. She just wasn’t happy. Maybe she was feeding off my nervous energy.
So, there I sat with Daphs nursing, and I was choking back tears. I was so frustrated and emotional. Sam mentioned to me that perhaps Daphne has the Weaver metabolism and build–lean with a fast metabolism. Perhaps she is getting just enough food but is metabolizing it quick and is just a lean little girl.
Daphne was underweight. Was I not taking good enough care of her? Was she not eating enough or often enough? Is she sleeping too much? Is she growing? Is she behind? Is she destined to be a failure?
Oh…the domino effect of the negativity. One thought lead to another and by the end of it, I was in tears. My head was pounding from Daphne crying and I was very depressed and disappointed. No one wants to hear that his or her child is not growing as well as another person’s child.
Daphne finally fed for a bit at the end of the appointment and we headed out for immunizations and to pick up Daphne’s meds at the pharmacy.
We picked up her multivitamin drops and liquid Tylenol. We walked over to immunizations and I checked in. We were called back very quickly, thankfully.
The woman performing the vaccinations was very uninterested in her job. She spoke in a monotone and we were just another person to get out of the way…one shot closer to the end of the day. She had us lay Daphs on the table. I held down her arms and Sam held down her legs. 1 immunization was given orally. The other 3 were shots to the leg. Daphne cried a bit but subsided when I picked her up and comforted her.
No one likes getting shots! Heck, I cry.
We waited in the lobby for a few minutes and headed out. Daphne was non stop crying on the ride home and even when we got home. My head was pounding from all the crying. She wouldn’t be consoled. My heart was heavy with the doctor’s doom and gloom message of Daphne’s eating habits and my breastfeeding habits. I was emotionally shredded.
I was able to get Daphs to take a nap, after I checked her for a fever. No fever, but I gave her some Tylenol to ease her fussiness and the redness around the prick sites. Sam crashed on the couch. As I sat at my computer, feeling nauseated from the events of the day, I realized that I wanted to work out to help clear my mind (Thanks for the nudge, Kat!).So, I laced up my tennies and threw on my spandex. Out the door I went, diving knife in tow.
I ran. I jogged. I walked. I jogged. I ran. I only had planned on 2 laps but ended up doing 8 (2 miles).
With each lap I completed, my lungs pressed harder against my ribcage, my blood ran as battery acid, and I wanted to quit. I knew I couldn’t. It was too important for me to work out my frustration and sadness.
I thought about how much I love Daphne, how I attend to her every need, and how I make sure she is healthy and safe. I realized that I feed her as often as I should. I realized that I hold her close daily (maybe too much…she’s gotta get more tummy time in to build up her muscles). I laugh with her. I blow raspberries on her tummy. I stretch out her legs and arms. We play with mirrors and rattles on the floor. I sing to her and rock with her. I snuggle her close and kiss her where her nose meets her forehead, and she falls asleep. I love my daughter and am doing the best I know how.
I was disappointed after I left the appointment. I was disappointed in myself as a person and as a mother. After my run and after holding Daphne in my arms afterwards, I realized that I am doing my best and I must continue to do what is best for her.
So, I will incorporate oatmeal into my diet along with even more water than I am drinking. I will also try a few pumping sessions during the day to keep my supply going.
Today was a rough day, to be honest with you. I hope to get some sleep tonight and I am hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. I think I will spend even more time with her on her tummy and start reading more to her. I love waking up to her smiles.
And so goes life.