Life is different now. I can feel it.
Pregnancy, birth, and bringing baby home have not been what I imagined.
I guess somewhere in the back of my head, I expected pregnancy to be a more harsh reality than it was. I expected morning sickness but not how all consuming it was. I anticipated stretch marks with extreme fear and vanity but not how small of an effect they’d have on me after the fact. I figured that I’d be a waddling mess at 40 weeks of pregnancy but found that I could still function fully and didn’t look like a penguin. I assumed I would give birth to my baby before 40 weeks and it would be a jolly good time, not knowing it’d be nearly 2 weeks after that.
*Side Note* I’m down 10 pounds, feeling physically better, less swelling, and my stretch marks have faded to near non existent. I didn’t receive any additional stretch marks on my belly now that it’s sizing down.
I had great expectations for birth. I signed up at the Charleston Birth Place expecting a med-free and intervention-free birth experience only to end up being transported to the hospital for a c-section. I was unprepared for that option in my pregnancy and hadn’t mentally prepared myself for it. If I could offer advice to any first time moms out there, it would be this: Be prepared for all possible outcomes. Even if you think you know without a shadow of a doubt that things will go a certain way, they might not. You may not have the control you think you do. Things might not turn out how you dream. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment, dear friend.
The more time I spend with Daffs, the more I love her. I sing to her and she stares up at me. Having her with us here at home, actually bringing baby home, has been an amazing experience. Sam and I have had 2 nights with her sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed. We both wake up throughout the night to peer into the bassinet to make sure she is still okay. Our routine is to have Sam change the diaper and me get ready to feed her when he’s done. It works for us.
I feel different. I feel so proud to be able to take care of this little life. I feel joy in my heart knowing that when I hold her, that I am her world. I am loving being a mother. I am loving having her with me. As I type, she is rocking in her swing with the most serene look on her face. It is marvelous.
My life is different. It’s a new kind of life. It is more rich. I don’t want to spend more time online. I don’t want to be on my phone. I want to spend time with her. I think that’s how it should be.
My life now centers around this:
And this also:
On a lighter note, poop has become main conversation pieces around these parts. Before I left the hospital, one of the requirements was that I was able to use the toilet in that specific manner. I can’t sugar coat it or make it sound better than it is: It sucks to poo after having a baby. Yes– constipation is an issue during pregnancy but apparently afterwards it is too.
Therefore, imagine my utter delight and squeals of joy when I was able to poo at home! I triumphantly exclaimed to Sam “I can POO!” and he replied “When my daughter poos, we are happy. When you poo, we are happy. Why is there so much talk about POOP at my house?!”
Sam hasn’t lost his humor at all. He jokes with Daffs when he changes her diaper. He sings to her before putting her in the swing. He makes me giggle and laugh and I am so thankful it doesn’t hurt my incision so badly now.
We went out today to Target to get a few things. I was a tad nervous to take her out in public for fear of her screaming her lungs out or needing something I didn’t have. My irrational fears had to be shook out of my mind. I have a baby now–I am not taking up space if I bring my carseat and baby into the store. If she cries to be fed or changed, I can’t run away and cower. I now make do and will deal with whatever circumstances come my way.
She did cry a bit in the store but once we were moving, she was okay. We went to the baby section and Sam picked out a few socks and hats for Daphne. He also told me to go grab some house slippers since I had mentioned I wanted some for a while now. It was a really good trip out!
I am loving my life. This is more than I could ask for. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and takes care of me. I have two goofy mutts who comfort me and make me laugh when I need it. I’ve got a warm home and little luxuries that make reality a little less harsh. I’ve got my amazingly beautiful daughter who will grow up with songs in her heart, love, and laughter.
I spent half an hour singing to her this afternoon after we got home from the store. My a capella playlist for her:
The awesome hats! I eyeballed the candy cane/reindeer one and Sam snagged them for me.
She’s enjoying her sleep!